12 Easy Steps to Start Writing Your Memoir

Use the following 12 easy steps to start writing your memoir.

Stories define us. If we want to get to know someone, we learn their personal narrative and story. We learn about the experiences that shaped them, the trials they have faced and moments in time that define them. When we want someone to know us, we share stories of our childhood, our school years, our families, our profession, and more.

Deciding the write your personal and or family narrative and memoir can be an overwhelming decision. You will think or ask yourself questions like

What do I write about?
Where do I begin?
What questions do I ask?
Where do I begin?
Where do I find information?
How much do I really what to share?

My answer is “keep it simple.” Writing a memoir starts with one story, and before you know it, you have an account of your life. In this writing adventure, you will be

Choosing and remembering impactful experiences
Defining questions to ask yourself and others
Truthfully sharing the funny to sacred moments of life
Learning to be vulnerable
Sharing your personality
Drawing conclusions and lessons learned
Researching and understanding the whole story
Choosing what to share and not to share
Adding the memories of others
Adding artifacts like photos and documents to your story

Let’s take a closer look at the difference between a personal narrative, autobiography, and memoir.

What is a personal narrative?

A personal narrative is usually written in first-person about an event or story from the individual’s life. The narrative provides the narrator’s thoughts, feelings and experiences and will develop story elements that include: setting, characterization, speech, and plot.

What is an autobiography?

An autobiography is a chronological account of an individual that covers an entire lifetime.

What is a memoir?

A memoir is an account or snapshot about an individual’s life drawn from personal knowledge or unique sources connected to the individual. The following are few points to help clarify the memoir.

Narrow in Focus. A memoir focuses on specific or series of incidents in the individual’s life about critical moments that shaped who they are. These events make up the stories that contribute to the total body of writing for the book.

Provides reflection. In the memoir, the writer/narrator is a character in the story who provides a reflection on his/her life and draws conclusions about the lessons learned. The memoir depicts how an individual remembers their life and takes the reader on a journey. You want the reader to come away with a much deeper understanding of the events and moments depicted.

Story-like construction. Memoirs are often a story-like construction around a central theme that can include multiple stories, events, flashbacks, memories, and can jump around.

Memoirs can seem overwhelming because you are writing about yourself. The following is an outline of 12 simple steps you can take in creating your memoir.

1. Choosing the Types of Memoir to Write

When you evaluate the memoir you want to write, start first by deciding what type of memoir you want to write for your readers. There is the

Personal memoir. This memoir provides the reader a view into your life for a specific time, such as unique adventure, marital divorce, or illness. This memoir will focus on a particular experience or event, why the event occurred, and what you learned once the situation was resolved.

Portrait memoirs. This is a memoir that the actual writer does not write. It is based on the experiences and or events of a person who has been documented and researched. The writer does not include their thoughts and feelings but only what they have been able to uncover with research.

Confessional memoirs. In this memoir, the writer will focus on what they feel are wrong actions or decisions they made in life. Once the writer discloses and discusses their wrongs, they discuss how they made amends to those involved and how they could change their lives for the better.

Transformational memoirs. For this memoir, the writer defines significant events or experiences and how they shaped the writer and what they found or learned at the end of the journey. You can approach their story from several angles. The memoirs can be a story about coming of age, overcoming an addiction or challenging circumstances or even how embracing a point of view, religion and or spirituality changed you.

Travel memoir. This memoir focuses on the adventure of the writer, which includes situations and challenges faced or overcome. The writer shares their thoughts, feelings and choices made during this time.

Public memoir. This memoir is for individuals who have a public persona, such as celebrities in theater, music, and movies. The memoir’s focus is to help the reader get to know the celebrity in a more personal way.

Professional memoir. This memoir shares the personal story of the writer’s professional life. For example, a politician could write about their time in the office or how a company president revitalized and changed the direction of a failing company. Some memoirs in this category are written to preserve a historical record of an event or employee training.

2. Choose the Message and Focus of Your Memoir

When you are choosing the focus of your memoir, ask yourself questions like

What are the times in my life that are unique or life-changing?
What did I learn from those experiences?
What can others learn by reading about those experiences?
What are some of the top 5 lessons I have learned in my life?
What experiences correlate to each of those lessons?

Try to make your theme universal and uplifting. This will allow you to bring the memoir up a notch and be more than just a story about you. But rather a story that has application to many.

As I look back over my life, I can see periods for which I could write a memoir. For example, I could write about

Being raised by a single-parent household and the struggles for identity
Being a Boy Scout Explorer leader for five years and the lessons learned
Going through a faith crisis in the religion of birth and finding Christ
Starting a business, declaring bankruptcy, and rebuilding a life
Being lost in the wilderness leads to a new beginning (Depression, suicide, and new hope)
Renewing love and passion with spouse after the age of 50

If I chose “being a Boy Scout Explorer leader for five years,” I would focus on the total experience and provide the backstory and share vivid details about

My journey to becoming a leader
Stories about different activities and the places we went
Stories about individual boys and their struggles and triumphs
Stories of the group dynamics and how they evolved
Descriptions of the places we went
Funny to the life and death experiences in the backcountry
Reflections of my time as a Boy Scout
Snippets about people I met along the way
Lessons learned about myself and those around me

3. Brainstorm the Stories and Memories to Include in Your Memoir

Once you have selected a theme or topic for writing your memoir, start brainstorming all your memories that could be associated with your memoir. I have found it easiest to approach this exercise from a chronological perspective for an event that lasted four weeks or 20 years.

If I had a memoir that would cover several decades, I might start by asking questions like:

What is the earliest experience I can remember?
What happened in my early grade school years?
What happened in my teen and high school years?
What happened in my career training and schooling?
How were my parents, siblings, family and friends involved? And what stories do they have to tell?
What happened in my adult years?
o Dating, marriage, divorce
o Professional career and advancement
o Children
What were my dreams and achievements to disappoints and regrets?
What research do I need to do to help expand my story?

Depending on the focus of your memoir, this could take a couple of hours to several days. As you remember one experience, start by asking, “What is this story about?” Write down a few key points that you have about that memory. One adventure will lead to another. Consider the following articles for ideas:

4. Include the Stories of Others

If you can, consider including the experiences of others as it relates to your story or theme. For example, when my wife was your girl of eight, their family had a head-on collision with another car on their way to Yellowstone. In the wreck, her father was diagnosed that he would never walk again. His story was one of tragedy, forgiveness, perseverance, and triumph. In that story, I could interview each of the siblings and family involved and tell their individual experiences, trials and reflection on how their fathers’ story influenced and guided them into adulthood.

By adding others into your story, this helps add credibility to your account. You allow the reader to see the story from different angles and expand the depth in which they experience it. Whenever I interview others about an event they all shared, I am always surprised that the experience was different for others.

5. Always be Truthful

While we want to write an inspiring story and place ourselves in the best light, we must face the fact when writing your memoir that some parts of our story are not flattering. Some parts are downright ugly. Go into writing your memoir with the commitment that you will tell the truth, even if it hurts. As a writer, I have had the chance to listen to many heartfelt experiences of difficult moments in others’ lives. I have heard stories of war, drug abuse, prostitution, betrayal, and more. In every case, the person sharing the experience always was able to conclude what they learned or how it changed their lives. Those stories have the power to connect and inspire.

Your stories can have the same power. If the experience meant something to you, it would have meaning to others. Your memoir will explore truth as seen through your eyes. You don’t have to exaggerate, embellish, fabricate or bend any part of your story. Tell your story, the good, the bad, the ugly. Simply be honest. That is what makes a good memoir. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Let the reader in to see who you are. Be willing to shed light on your fears, happiness, dilemmas and sadness.

Will you always be writing and sharing the complete truth when writing your memoir? You will be writing about what you remember. You will be writing a truthful story from that perspective. When I am defining what I believe to be the truth, I will start my notes with sentences like

Here is how I see it….
Here is how I felt…
Here is how it happened to me…

6. Draw Meaning and Growth from Your Stories

Memoirs are opportunities to reflect upon your life and determine how events and experiences have made you who you are. As you compose and share each experience, look for opportunities to show how and why this experience affected you then and through the years. You are drawing the string that pulls the memoir together to support the focus/theme you have chosen to convey to the reader. Ask yourself questions like

How did the experience change my direction in life?
How did the experience influence my approach to life?
How did the experience help me see myself and or others differently?
Did I become a better or wiser person?

You are attempting to teach the reader about the behavior of those in your story, your behavior, and or about humankind’s behavior.

7. Let Your Personality Shine Through

This is about helping the reader get a sense of what you are like. What type of person would the reader see and hear if you were in their living room telling your story? This is letting your personality shine through. Now how do you do that in a memoir?

One of the best ways I have found for writers to learn how to share their personality through writing is to have them record themselves telling the story. When writing your memoir, tell your story as if you were talking to a friend. When you play the story back, you can hear the

Words you normally speak
Emphasis you place on specific words
Phrases you use to express yourself
Way you tell jokes
The way you share the funny parts
Way you share the sad parts
Accents that form your speech patterns

This is your personality coming through. I would encourage you to try writing how you speak. You can always use speech-to-text using Google Docs, Word, and other software.

8. Put Yourself in the Readers Shoes

Review your work as if you were the reader. When writing your memoir, always be asking the questions like,

Is this a memoir I would want to read?” Why or why not?
I know what the story is about, but will the reader?
o Does the story flow logically?
o Are there any parts of the story that needs more depth?
o Do I need to provide more context?
Have I included the most important moments?
Do I need to delete sections?

Listen carefully to your answer and be willing to make adjustments in the writing and story to address what you see, feel, and read.

When you have others review your writing, give them the understanding that you want their honest feedback, no matter if it’s not flattering. They are helping you make the memoir better.

9. Introduction Paragraphs Set the Pace

The opening paragraph of a chapter/story sets the groundwork for what will following. It answers the question, “Why should I read this story?” This is where you begin the connection with the reader when writing your memoir.

10. Help the Reader Relate to Your Story

The memoir is about sharing your story and inviting the reader to come along for the ride. It is not a platform for you to be moralistic or self-righteous and tell the world how to live their lives. Give the reader a story with people they can relate to and understand. Will the reader be able to understand the emotions, actions, and outcomes of your characters? Will the reader be able to see themselves in your journey? If the answer is yes, you have a reader who will stay with you.

11. Develop A Journey the Reader can See

Every story you choose to relate when writing your memoir should connect to the focus/theme of your memoir. One account may leave them laughing, while another story acts as a transition to a tale of sorrow and misfortune. Together they represent your journey. Your job is to set the stage, create the emotion, visually convey the scene and keep the reader wanting to see what’s in the next chapter.

When you are writing the story, you are inviting the reader into your world. Could you give them a reason to stay? The reader needs to visualize, hear, smell, taste what you are writing about. You do this by using vivid language. For example, if I were to explain

My mother’s third husband was a “hopeless gambler” who still loved my mother at death, you might say that I was judgmental.

If, however, I shared visually shared the real story, it would read,

“As Mel’s life came to an end, his daughter, who came every Tuesday to check on her aging father, found him as she always did in musty and damp small 10’x 12′ room, one bed, small square table with one wobbly chair, one light and a hot plate that was never used. This time, he was slumped over the table, cold and rigged. In his left hand was the plastic picture frame that contained Mel and Mary’s faded picture on their wedding day. In his wallet was a dollar and well-worn newspaper article announcing his marriage to Mary.

Lasting less than three years, the marriage tragically came to an end with divorce some ten years earlier because of his uncontrollable gambling and days and nights spent at his favorite casino racebook. In the end, Mel left the world penniless with over $600,000 in gambling receipts scattered about the room, a heart full of love for Mary that was never realized.”

Both stories and descriptions are accurate. Which one do you see and feel?

12. Fill Your Writing with Sensory Details and Emotions

When writing your memoir, help your reader develop a mental movie and experience. Consider expanding upon your feelings and emotions with descriptions that paint a picture. Create the image that is in your mind. For example, think of

Sight. What does the something or scene look like? Include descriptions of color, shape and appearance. Use words like bleary, colorless, faded, flashy, glistening, gloomy, hazy, misty, radiant shiny, striped, tarnished, dim, and twinkling.

Touch. What does it feel like to handle, rub against, or hold something? Include references to texture, temperature, humidity, and physical response. Use words like abrasive, barbed, bumpy, carved, caked, cold, dirty, fat, feathery, jagged, leather, narrow, soggy, soiled, scratched, thorny, rubbery, tough, prickly, metallic, most, and sticky.

Smell. What do you smell as you close your eyes slowly breathe in the scents? Include the aroma that fills your scenery perception. Is it intense or subtle, pleasant or nauseating, natural or contrived? What does the smell remind you of? Use words like aroma, heavy, comforting, laden, heady, pungent, rich, spicy, reek, whiff, putrid, rancid, sickly, damp, delicious, fresh, perfumed, sweet, tangy, fishy, citrusy, floral, and minty.

Sound. Who or what is making the sound? What kind of sound is it? Is it loud or soft, grinding or screeching, melodic or irritating? Use words like blare, buzz, cheer, clamor, clang, murmur, sizzle, squawk, yelp, hiss, creak, rustle, hush, rant and roar.

Taste. How would you describe the taste? Is it sweet, sour, salty, bitter or savory? Does it taste like a fruit, vegetable, meat, or spice? Use words like sharp, tart, dry chalky, sour, smoky, bitter, burnt, dusty, earthy, musty, ripe, grassy, vegetative, fresh, fatty, rich, smooth, creamy, bland, delicious, rotten, zesty, and nutty.

Use references to emotions in your narrative. This is about the feelings you experience. It is about happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger and surprise. For example, consider

Enjoyment. This emotion is about being happy, calm, good. We express delight by smiling, laughing, and indulging. We feel pleasure by feeling close and connected, safe and secure, participating and being absorbed in activities we like, or simply being relaxed and peaceful. Use words like happiness, love, relief, joy, pride, excitement, satisfaction, compassion and amusement.

Sadness. This emotion can be related to a specific event or person, or it could simply be the way you feel. Use words like gloomy, hopeless, unhappy, troubled, lost, resigned, lonely, heartbroken, disappointed and sad.

Fear. This emotion takes place when you feel any form of threat. Fear can be mild or very intense. Use words like nervous, anxious, worried, doubtful, horrified, desperate, confused, stressed, panicked, and terrified.

Anger. This emotion arises when you experience injustice or have a situation that is becoming harmful/toxic. It makes you feel trapped, threatened, unable to defend yourself. Use words like irritated, mad, cheated, insulted, annoyed, peeved, frustrated, bitter, and contrary.

Disgust. This emotion happens when you react to an unpleasant or unwanted situation. The emotion is similar to anger but can lead you to dislike yourself, other people, or situations. Use words like dislike, loathing, offended, horrified, revulsion, nauseated, uncomfortable, withdrawn, aversion.

Conclusion for Writing Your Memoir

The memoir is about your life and your authentic interaction with the world. The story needs to be written to represent you and how you want to communicate the collection moments for the theme/period you have chosen. Your memoir can have the ability to touch others and even change their lives.

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12 Easy Steps to Start Writing Your Memoir